Adoption is a place where Super Noodles rule, Greggs is the law, a solid blindness to swear words is needed, school homework is laughed at, then binned and anything not screwed to the floor is dashed at our heads or broken. (Accidental Insurance on ALL devices is the golden rule here, folks.) I’m, not a superhero parent, fighting to alleviate my Adopted children's struggles so we can live an idyllic life full of happy-ever-afters, organic veg, fresh fruit, fluffy kittens and skips to school. But Im giving it a good go.
I believe Adoption is a f**king scary, but equally, just about the most liberating and awesome thing you can do. Complete strangers coming together via a social worker insisting you will all learn to get along and you will love each other.. ...forever! This complex relationship will half kill you, age you by 57 years in the first three months and leave you hanging on the edge, hung out to dry as you beg and plead underfunded and poorly trained services for the help your child desperately needs in education and health. It's just weird eh?
I did not cause the trauma my children suffered in the womb and experienced in their early years. But I, like many other Adopted parents, witness the finger-pointing and blame when our children display the harrowing fallout from early life trauma. It's not uncommon for adopted children who have suffered emotional, physical, violent, sexual abuse and neglect to exhibit a daily dose of poor impulse control, an inability to reflect on their chaotic behaviour, and a penchant for seeking out danger. It's like they're running towards heartbreak with open arms, and we, as the parents, lost the flipping reins.
A full-blown warzone is inside the minds of adopted children who have experienced so much harm. They're fighting hard to overcome things they can barely remember, but their bodies remember all too well. Those memories lurk in the shadows of their minds, ready to pounce like the Boggy Man when they least expect it - just as they're trying to relax and enjoy life's simple pleasures. BOOM, off it goes. One child I know calls it, 'The Pictures'.
It's heartbreaking to watch. You see an ungrateful spoilt child. I see a deeply traumatised child, desperate for help, locked in their heads, unable to communicate a smell just parachuted them back to an incredibly harrowing time in their life.
My plan for Life In Motion is to explore the sensory experiences of our children when they have 'The Pictures' and look at how often school just does not get it. Sensory meltdowns in education are directly linked to punishment, isolation and exclusion. I promise, you will be shocked at the numbers.